Many people ask me, if porn is unhealthy for me but I still want to masturbate every now and then without hindering my recovery, how can I do this? Masturbation without porn or fantasy and in moderation can be a healthy activity and a part of a healthy life style. But this is not for everyone, if you have Erectile Dysfunction caused by porn, a religious tenant against it, or if you simple enjoy the experience of abstinence, then by all means stay masturbation free! 🙂
With compulsive porn abusers it’s clear that porn is the real issue, which leads to excessive masturbation. But without the porn around to over stimulate the brain, it’s clear that many people don’t masturbate even half as much. We have been pleasuring ourselves for a long, long time before porn came around, and with the proper moderation it can be a helpful tool to balance our lives. In general, those who are just starting the recovery process may have a more difficulty engaging in this practice. Don’t worry, after a few weeks or a month of removing porn from your life you will find becoming aroused much easier. Continue reading
A great audio interview over at NPR with neuroscientist David Linden. In it David talks about his new book Compass Of Pleasure, detailing the brain on a neurochemical level when we interact with addictive substances and behaviors. One of the most interesting things I took home from this interview was how his findings point to STRESS as a major contributor to sudden increases in cravings for the addictive substance or behavior.
‘Compass Of Pleasure’: Why Some Things Feel So Good [NPR]
While most people are able to achieve a certain degree of pleasure with only moderate indulgence, those with blunted dopamine systems are driven to overdo it.
“Any one of us could be an addict at any time,” Linden says. “Addiction is not fundamentally a moral failing — it’s not a disease of weak-willed losers.
Hi everyone! I just wanted to share this amazing Reddit Gold caliber article, a harrowing self account of misery to freedom from one man who has passed the 2 year mark of life without porn. It is touching and informative, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
“I was 34 years old when I decided to quit, after having done porn pretty continuously, and increasingly, from the age of 13 when I found my Dad’s magazines in his bedside drawer. By the time I decided to quit, I was married (unhappily – though I wasn’t totally conscious of that fact), and had a two-year-old daughter. I was a software engineering manager making a bunch of money, I had a big house in a posh neighborhood. I had all the outward signs of success…. (click here)“
This meditation is similar to the Loving-Kindness Meditation except that it focuses on self-compassion. What is compassion? Self-Compassion: An acceptance that you are suffering, coupled with a deep seeded authentic wish that your suffering is stopped. What flows from this mind of compassion is natural actions of self care and non-harming, combined with a joy and excitement that comes from engaging in actions that will result in your long term happiness and the removal of your suffering. Continue reading
Loving-kindness meditation is the art of awakening the heart through intentions of goodwill and compassion, practiced for thousands of years by various Buddhist traditions. Today, modern science is now verifying it’s amazing ability for radical, positive transformation and healing. It will lead us to a deeper understanding of the causes of suffering and the causes of peace and contentment in our life. Leading us naturally to take up care and drop violence in our thoughts, speech, and actions.
So, what does all this have to do with porn addiction? Continue reading
Q: What is the opposite of a porn habit?
A: To me, it’s creative energy and intimacy.
Porn is fake intimacy, and we all crave intimacy. Life without porn mean you find more natural sources of intimacy, like with real people. Intimacy can be comradery, friendship, family, love, trust, respect, joy.
Creative energy comes to us when we gain our sensitivity to life back. We do hobbies, sports, crafts, tinkering. With porn we feel dead, no energy to be creative or do much of anything.
Combine creative energy and intimacy and you get things like community, fundraisers to help people in need, collective art projects, running workshops for free, and other creative ways to help uplift your community.
These are things I have experienced from quitting porn.
Neuroscientist Kelly McGonigal speaks about her book “The WillPower Instinct” and describes the importance of supercharging your prefrontal cortex as a means to better decision making. This video is packed full of amazing scientifically researched and study based tools to help overcome addiction and achieve goals by strengthening this part of the brain. Her approach is based on mindfulness, acceptance, and forgiveness, and I wholly indorse her methods.
Some of the methods she prescribes are similar to the Identifying Triggers tool, and the Equanimity Meditation. I hope you try them out!
Hi everyone. I’m going to start making a series of posts based off my Identifying Triggers tool, each post will show the process I go through to identify, explore, and debunk a new ‘Trigger’. A trigger is any thought, feeling, image, or memory that causes you to want to look at porn. This tool is based off a behavior modification technique called cognitive behavioral therapy, and is a very powerful means to transform our addiction in a mindful and compassionate way. I hope this will be helpful for you. 🙂
Picture this: You’ve been addicted for decades. You use porn as your main outlet for intimacy and a pacifying mother in times of stress, anxiety, boredom, loneliness, anger, and general dissatisfaction with life. Always accompanied by a tendency towards isolation. Your emotional stability has become dependent upon porn, influencing your hobbies, habits, and attitudes. Now imagine someone took that away from you, your precious dependency, you would be left a thousand feet in the air with nothing under your feet. This is what happens when we begin the process of recovery. Recovery is not just the absence of porn, it’s also the beginning of a new and healthier life, a New You. Continue reading
“The Secret of change is to focus all of your energy,
not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
This quote is extremely simply, yet addresses a wide range of issues relating to habit and addiction. I’ve interpreted it into two related teachings, ‘not fighting the old’ and ‘building the new.’ Continue reading