Take a deep breath. Feel. What you are feeling in this moment will always be OK. Know that pain is always an acceptable part of life. We cannot have the beautiful flower without the mud.
A poignant and shaking new research project on porn addiction uncovers what we already suspected.
“It took away my ability to process the world with any emotion. My porn use put me into a state of emotional and social withdrawal in almost every aspect of my life, and because of that, I suffered significantly socially, romantically and academically. I lost many years of my development because I could not feel any pleasure and I could not make sense of the world – my mind was in a state of constant turmoil.”
Exploring the Lived Experience of Problematic Users of Internet Pornography– A Qualitative Study is a research project I conducted as part of the requirements for the Master of Counselling & Psychotherapy course I have recently (finally) completed. While it’s soon to be published in the peer reviewed journal Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, published by Taylor & Francis, in this post I reflect on what it was like to research this topic and I share some of the responses I received which highlight, to me, the seriousness of this emerging problem. I will post a link to the peer reviewed article here soon as it is published but I have uploaded a preprint version to Research Gate which I have linked to above.
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In 2019 I completed the last few subjects of a Master of Counselling & Psychotherapy course I had started in 2016…
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It’s been 6 years since I embarked on my journey towards the unknown freedom that I so desperately needed. I rediscovered many long lost treasures, and uncovered many unexpected hurdles and blessings. If I was to imagine what my life would be like now, I don’t think I would have believed it. How I’ve grown as a person and how my life has been enriched by slowly abandoning the Continue reading
The majority of the articles, tools, and meditations on this site have focused on finding better habit patterns for transforming our addictive behaviors. These are all important things, but something I have waited a long time to write about is healing and withdrawal, mainly because Continue reading
The 3 Circles method is used in SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) to help create boundaries around unhealthy behaviours. In food addiction, you need to address any habits that cause harm to yourself, but stopping all eating won’t be the solution. Similarly with sex and porn addiction, the solution is not to close yourself off from your own sexuality, but to help identify unhealthy behaviors. We are sexual beings Continue reading
These meditations and practices are very powerful and have the potential to help manage cravings and increase general feelings of well-being. In essence they help reintegrating and redistributing your bodies energies evenly through-out the body, it has been of great benefit to me in my recovery.
Although I try to give as much advice and wisdom as I can here on Building The New, it is only a supplementary support. If you are having serious difficulties in life due to addictive behaviours you need to seek out a licensed Sex Therapist, Support Group, or consult a Doctor.
I’ve been a follower of Teal Swan for over a year now and I really enjoy her videos. She has a deep insight into the nature of human suffering and how to heal our emotional scars. This video is a great explanation of Pornography addiction, what it is and is not, and ways to heal from it.
A great article on the benefits of mindfulness practices and daily living to address addictions.
“For example, a person in our smoking program commented, “Mindful smoking: smells like stinky cheese and tastes like chemicals. YUCK!” She noticed that smoking wasn’t as great as she might have convinced herself previously. And this is the beginning of the end – we start to get disenchanted with what we were doing – just by paying careful attention. ”
A beautiful and poignant piece about some of the real issues surrounding addiction, escapism from emotional pain. Gabor Maté has always been a favorite of mine for his amazing holistic view on addiction and life’s struggles.