Tag Archives: Tools

The 3 Circles Method

3 circlesThe 3 Circles method is used in SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) to help create boundaries around unhealthy behaviours. In food addiction, you need to address any habits that cause harm to yourself, but stopping all eating won’t be the solution. Similarly with sex and porn addiction, the solution is not to close yourself off from your own sexuality, but to help identify unhealthy behaviors. We are sexual beings Continue reading

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Seeking a Professional Sex Therapist

t0000y_edit.jpgAlthough I try to give as much advice and wisdom as I can here on Building The New, it is only a supplementary support. If you are having serious difficulties in life due to addictive behaviours you need to seek out a licensed Sex Therapist, Support Group, or consult a Doctor.

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Masturbation for the Porn Addict

Many people ask me, if porn is unhealthy for me but I still want to masturbate every now and then without hindering my recovery, how can I do this? Masturbation without porn or fantasy and in moderation can be a healthy activity and a part of a healthy life style. But this is not for everyone, if you have Erectile Dysfunction caused by porn, a religious tenant against it, or if you simple enjoy the experience of abstinence, then by all means stay masturbation free! 🙂

With compulsive porn abusers it’s clear that porn is the real issue, which leads to excessive masturbation. But without the porn around to over stimulate the brain, it’s clear that many people don’t masturbate even half as much. We have been pleasuring ourselves for a long, long time before porn came around, and with the proper moderation it can be a helpful tool to balance our lives. In general, those who are just starting the recovery process may have a more difficulty engaging in this practice. Don’t worry, after a few weeks or a month of removing porn from your life you will find becoming aroused much easier. Continue reading

Neuroscientist Kelly McGonigal

Neuroscientist Kelly McGonigal speaks about her book “The WillPower Instinct” and describes the importance of supercharging your prefrontal cortex as a means to better decision making. This video is packed full of amazing scientifically researched and study based tools to help overcome addiction and achieve goals by strengthening this part of the brain. Her approach is based on mindfulness, acceptance, and forgiveness, and I wholly indorse her methods.

Some of the methods she prescribes are similar to the Identifying Triggers tool, and the Equanimity Meditation. I hope you try them out!

Happiness without porn?

Hi everyone. I’m going to start making a series of posts based off my Identifying Triggers tool, each post will show the process I go through to identify, explore, and debunk a new ‘Trigger’. A trigger is any thought, feeling, image, or memory that causes you to want to look at porn. This tool is based off a behavior modification technique called cognitive behavioral therapy, and is a very powerful means to transform our addiction in a mindful and compassionate way. I hope this will be helpful for you. 🙂

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT for short) is another method where we become more mindful of our negative emotions and thoughts, take a very in-depth analysis, and then come to an alternative conclusion that is against the original negative emotions and thoughts.

This work sheet is just a small part of an over-all CBT therapy, but still very effect on it’s own. This can be done alone, or with the help of a trusted friend or therapist. Here is an example CBT worksheet filled in for you. Continue reading

Identifying Triggers

weak linkMindfulness and compassion are the keys to breaking the chains of our habitual and addictive patterns. Mindfulness simply means being consciously aware of something in your present moment experience, may they be thoughts, emotions, sounds, or images. Compassion means fully understanding what makes us suffer and choosing the best decision to reduce our suffering, may that be self-forgiveness, acceptance, or

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