Author Archives: Di Phoenix

About Di Phoenix

Hi, I’m Di. With great patience, compassion, and mindfulness I have overcome my destructive behaviors surrounding porn and masturbation. Since early 2011 I have been involved in many recovery programs and support groups, and learned what has worked and what has not for me. I have an avid interest in mental and physical health, self-improvement, and eastern philosophy.

Working with compulsive objectification

“The more you objectify them, the more they become objects”

It’s a simple quote that I’ve come up with, but explains a whole lot about how the brain operates. What is applied to the mind, the mind will follow into that shape. But how to reverse the process is a bit more tricky. In my experience from mindfulness and meditation, there are several ways to counteract the force of intrusive sexual objectification around strangers or loved ones.

1. Become mindful of the process: when you find yourself objecting someone, remind yourself of the quote and don’t judge yourself. Just be aware that you’re objecting and let it be as it is. It helps strengthen the pre-frontal cortex and breaks the cycle of objectification over time.

2. Apply an appointment force by meditating in your free time. This meditation on equality is very powerful for undoing the habitual sexually objectifying mind, and re-engages our humanity:

Equanimity Meditation

3. Look away: it might seem super simple and brain dead… But it does work. If all else fails, looking away is an option, or excusing yourself from the situation. If you’re applying the other strategies in this blog post, remember that you are not running away, you are just retreating to come back stronger next time.

4. Looking at smiling faces: the power of gazing upon smiling faces for healing has been known for quite some time. The Mona Lisa comes to my mind immediately. Check out some of these:

Female Faces and Smiling Faces

I hope that this can help some of you out there. It’s one of the most stressful side effects of porn addiction, and can discourage those just starting on their journey into recovery.

Have a wonderful day from Building the New, and remember: you’re alive!

Rebuilding self esteem after p**n addiction

Something I’ve been working on recently is specifically to rebuild my self esteem post p**n addiction. We all know how debilitating it can be to suffer from this addiction and our self esteem is not spared from the damage.

In a series of videos Dr. K (HealthyGamerGG) gives us a great road map to rebuild self esteem and re-eatablish confidence. I highly recommend checking them out!

How to rebuild your self esteem?

How ego controls us and how to control ego

Can you have a healthy ego?

How comparison ruins your mental health (and how to stop it)


Happy New Year!

Happy new year from Building The New!

Start your 2023 sober journey off right with these new and old videos!

Start a Dopamine Detox
Rebuilding your self esteem after years of p* usage
An oldie but a goodie from Reboot Nation
A reminder that recovery is a state of mind

Wishing you all the best in 2023 🙏❤️

The Porn Scale

Harm reduction is an important and often overlooked component of addiction recovery. With porn addiction it’s pretty simple usually, you either look at porn or you don’t. But I believe that even within active porn addiction, the principles of harm reduction can be applied. The principles of harm reduction that I’m referring to here have to do with reducing the harm that porn inflicts while in active usage, while the relapse is actually happening and you’re watching porn.

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You know you have to stop

You know you have to stop. That’s the one thing we can all agree on, it’s the one thing we all cannot deny… You know you have to stop…

You don’t know what’s going to happen next, you don’t know how your life will change, you can’t predict the future. But the one thing you know for certain, whatever this thing is, using porn, is killing you. It’s killing you, slowly, bit by bit, PMO by PMO. In every session you die, over years of your life. And you know that you need to stop. You know it.

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400 Days Porn Free & Discord Server!

Hey everyone! It’s been a while since I posted but I wanted to share that I’m currently over a year free from porn! And that I’ve still been active in other avenues such as Discord.

I’ve been helping run and now admin a Discord server called Porn Free for over 2 years now. You can come join us here!

Porn Free Discord server!

We are an inclusive and LGBT friendly group dedicated to supporting each other in our journey to become porn free!

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