Author Archives: Di Phoenix

About Di Phoenix

Hi, I’m Di. With great patience, compassion, and mindfulness I have overcome my destructive behaviors surrounding porn and masturbation. Since early 2011 I have been involved in many recovery programs and support groups, and learned what has worked and what has not for me. I have an avid interest in mental and physical health, self-improvement, and eastern philosophy.

Happiness without porn?

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Hi everyone. I’m going to start making a series of posts based off my Identifying Triggers tool, each post will show the process I go through to identify, explore, and debunk a new ‘Trigger’. A trigger is any thought, feeling, image, or memory that causes you to want to look at porn. This tool is based off a behavior modification technique called cognitive behavioral therapy, and is a very powerful means to transform our addiction in a mindful and compassionate way. I hope this will be helpful for you. 🙂

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Building a New You

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Picture this: You’ve been addicted for decades. You use porn as your main outlet for intimacy and a pacifying mother in times of stress, anxiety, boredom, loneliness, anger, and general dissatisfaction with life. Always accompanied by a tendency towards isolation. Your emotional stability has become dependent upon porn, influencing your hobbies, habits, and attitudes. Now imagine someone took that away from you, your precious dependency, you would be left a thousand feet in the air with nothing under your feet. This is what happens when we begin the process of recovery. Recovery is not just the absence of porn, it’s also the beginning of a new and healthier life, a New You. Continue reading →

“The Secret of change is…”

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“The Secret of change is to focus all of your energy,
not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

Old-vs-New-Sign_croppedThis quote is extremely simply, yet addresses a wide range of issues relating to habit and addiction. I’ve interpreted it into two related teachings, ‘not fighting the old’ and ‘building the new.’ Continue reading →

Should I Delete My Porn?

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So you have enough CDs and DVDs to hold up your coffee table, or enough downloads to warrant buying several new disk drives. You’ve spent hundreds of hours collecting it and hundreds of dollars purchasing it, some videos dating back to before your children were born.

But, you’ve decided to go porn free, no more looking back. You have begun to Continue reading →

Female Faces and Smiling Faces

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One thing that has been a sure craving buster for me since the very beginning is the power of a smiling face and female faces. For me and others in recovery, they can transform our feelings of lust and cravings into admiration, love, compassion, and caring. It’s been known to advertisers for a long time that a smiling face sells almost anything. That the Mona Lisa’s popularity is credited largely to her smile. And that generally people with a great smile radiate a warmth that draws others to them naturally. It’s also interesting to note that Continue reading →

Red Riding Hood

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Alone in the woods, Red Riding Hood walks the path.
In the distance, two eyes gleam in the darkness, the wolf is near.
Be innocent.
It’s OK to travel here, all the while aware of the wolf, and all its tricks.
Be understanding.
Like a ghost or shadow, I know you are there, and I accept you for what you are.
Be wise.
Goodnight sweet Riding Hood, goodnight sweet wolf.

ImageImage: Little Red Riding Hood by Cathy Delanssay.

A poem about addiction by me.

Dealing with Shame after Relapse

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stone_small“Look, you relapsed again, you are so bad at this! You might as well just give up, you are worthless. You can never do anything right.”

It happens to all of us, if you are in the process of recovery, you will inevitably experience a relapse. It is actually more likely you will relapse again, and less likely you correct the addictive habits, if you are constantly berating yourself with shame. In Buddhist psychology the major cause of Continue reading →

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT for short) is another method where we become more mindful of our negative emotions and thoughts, take a very in-depth analysis, and then come to an alternative conclusion that is against the original negative emotions and thoughts.

This work sheet is just a small part of an over-all CBT therapy, but still very effect on it’s own. This can be done alone, or with the help of a trusted friend or therapist. Here is an example CBT worksheet filled in for you. Continue reading →

Identifying Triggers

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weak linkMindfulness and compassion are the keys to breaking the chains of our habitual and addictive patterns. Mindfulness simply means being consciously aware of something in your present moment experience, may they be thoughts, emotions, sounds, or images. Compassion means fully understanding what makes us suffer and choosing the best decision to reduce our suffering, may that be self-forgiveness, acceptance, or

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Welcome!

Take a deep breath. Feel. What you are feeling in this moment will always be OK. Know that pain is always an acceptable part of life. We cannot have the beautiful flower without the mud.