Many people ask me, if porn is unhealthy for me but I still want to masturbate every now and then without hindering my recovery, how can I do this? Masturbation without porn or fantasy and in moderation can be a healthy activity and a part of a healthy life style. But this is not for everyone, if you have Erectile Dysfunction caused by porn, a religious tenant against it, or if you simple enjoy the experience of abstinence, then by all means stay masturbation free! 🙂

With compulsive porn abusers it’s clear that porn is the real issue, which leads to excessive masturbation. But without the porn around to over stimulate the brain, it’s clear that many people don’t masturbate even half as much. We have been pleasuring ourselves for a long, long time before porn came around, and with the proper moderation it can be a helpful tool to balance our lives. In general, those who are just starting the recovery process may have a more difficulty engaging in this practice. Don’t worry, after a few weeks or a month of removing porn from your life you will find becoming aroused much easier.

The self-sex I suggest for recovering chronic porn abusers is a sensation based and non goal-oriented experience. Including no porn memories or fantasies about people you know or saw in public. Just being in the present moment with yourself and your sensations. Having no goal in mind, not racing for an orgasm to be done with it, but relaxing completely into the moment and letting the orgasm overtake you. This is a great way to become reacquaint with your body on a physical and emotional level after years of dissociating yourself from your body by purely visual stimulation on a computer screen.

How to do it:

• Set aside some time where you know you will be not be bothered for at least an hour in a safe and quiet environment. And try to keep it to the same time and place, preferably in your bed. Maybe put on some of your favorite soothing music or set some lowered lighting.
• Just clear your mind, close your eyes, and start engaging with yourself. If you experience any pleasure then just be aware of that. Don’t try to force anything or make anything happen. Let a nature progression and build up of your sexual energy happen.
• Don’t rush anything, don’t think of this as a chore. Enjoy it for what it is, a time to have some fun and explore your sexual pleasures.
• See where the sensations take you. If something feels good, explore that. What does it mean to be that sensation? Make it the entire focus of your consciousness. Just focus on this moment alone and don’t worry about the past or future.
• For the rest, you’ll know what to do.

Make a schedule:

I always found making a schedule was very helpful for me. Play around with how often you masturbate and stick to that schedule for a few weeks at lease. You can try every 3 days, a week, or 10 days. Notice how it effects you and find what makes the most sense for your needs. I would avoid the ‘just whenever you feel like it’ method, as that can lead to abuse just like as with porn. The key is moderation and balance.

If you have regular or irregular sexual partners, then masturbation can be an option too, but try to balance it with the sex. Think of sex as just another masturbation on your schedule.

For those who go through periods of “flat line”, experiencing no sexual desires at all, it would make sense to stop masturbating for that time. If you don’t feel the urge to do it, then obviously listen to your body at take a break.

Tips and tricks:

• Consider using lube, if feels good and it also helps reduce the “death grip.”
• If you start but feel like you loose interest or can’t continue, it’s always OK to stop.
• “There is a world of difference between orgasms that I go looking for and orgasms that find me. If I get in a goal-oriented mindset that I “gotta have it,” then I will usually feel lousy afterward, even if I don’t get there. However, if I am totally relaxed into the moment and the orgasm overtakes me with no effort or intention on my part then it is – just – so – sweet – and no hangover.” – Reuniting.info user
• Consider planning your session before sleep and in bed. Just before sleep you‘re not tempted to look at porn for the rest of the day and you will sleep off any cravings waking up refreshed.
• If you know that masturbation leads to extreme porn cravings for yourself then it might be a good idea to set up a back up plan or something to keep you away from porn just in case.
• If you find simply playing with yourself does not give you a full erection or you cannot climax, you may have some porn induced erectile dysfunction (PIED.) Reducing or stopping sex/MO maybe a good idea until you can become erect without porn. More info here: http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-question
• Bad places to masturbate: In your car, at work, in a washroom stall. If you really have to go but are in an inappropriate place there are many techniques that can help such as the Relaxation Practice, Equanimity Meditation, Smiling Faces practice, or Energy Circulation Practices.