STOP. Follow only my instructions. Do not leave this webpage.
Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths.
Now, relax your jaw, relax your face, relax your tongue, relax your shoulders. Only look at this webpage.
Accept that you want to look at porn, and that is OK. You are not a terrible person, this is only your human nature and habit formed over years or decades of looking at porn.
Do not leave this webpage.
Now, answer me these questions (you can write the answers out):
Focus. What are your emotions or feelings right now?
Example: Frustrated 40%, Angry 10%, Bored 60%, Tired 20%, Shame 15%, Excited 70%.
Focus. What is your Trigger saying or thinking?
Example: “My wife just left, I have the whole house to myself. I need to check out some porn before she gets back.” “I will never be happy again without porn.”
What evidence does support your Trigger?
Example: I want to look at porn. I do not want my wife or kids knowing I look at porn. Porn makes me feel good when I am bored or depressed.
What evidence does NOT support your Trigger?
Example: My wife leaving does not make viewing porn any more OK then when she is in the house. My wife has left me home alone many times in the past and I don’t look at porn. I do not need to look at porn because I do not need it to live. I can certainly be happy without porn, I enjoy playing sports, BBQs with friends, making love to my wife, painting, playing guitar, exercising, and non of these involve porn. Looking at porn will only ruin my chances at recovery and sabotage any efforts to enhance my married or personal life.
What is a new Alternative Thought against the Trigger?
Example: Looking at porn is the same if I am home alone or not home alone, it’s still an unhealthy expression of my sexuality. Although the desire to look at porn is not bad, I understand it’s an unhealthy habit that brings suffering to myself and those that I love. I have had this trigger in the past and I am aware of it’s tricks, I will be mindful when it comes again. Porn does not have a monopoly over my happiness, there are many other things in my life that bring me joy and happiness. Exercise, being with friends, doing a hobby, and taking a cold shower are all great alternatives.
Once more, what are your emotions or feelings?
Example: Frustrated 10%, Bored 30%, Tired 10%, Excited 20%, Relief 45%, Energy 40%.
Still with me? Good. For more examples of these Triggers check out Identifying Triggers.
Still feel like slipping? Consider the Equanimity Meditation.
Still feeling itchy? Have a laugh and a think on the Motivation page.
Still feeling out of control? Try a support group like PornFree on Reddit.