Category Archives: Tools

The 3 Circles Method

3 circlesThe 3 Circles method is used in SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) to help create boundaries around unhealthy behaviours. In food addiction, you need to address any habits that cause harm to yourself, but stopping all eating won’t be the solution. Similarly with sex and porn addiction, the solution is not to close yourself off from your own sexuality, but to help identify unhealthy behaviors. We are sexual beings Continue reading

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Seeking a Professional Sex Therapist

t0000y_edit.jpgAlthough I try to give as much advice and wisdom as I can here on Building The New, it is only a supplementary support. If you are having serious difficulties in life due to addictive behaviours you need to seek out a licensed Sex Therapist, Support Group, or consult a Doctor.

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Masturbation for the Porn Addict

Many people ask me, if porn is unhealthy for me but I still want to masturbate every now and then without hindering my recovery, how can I do this? Masturbation without porn or fantasy and in moderation can be a healthy activity and a part of a healthy life style. But this is not for everyone, if you have Erectile Dysfunction caused by porn, a religious tenant against it, or if you simple enjoy the experience of abstinence, then by all means stay masturbation free! 🙂

With compulsive porn abusers it’s clear that porn is the real issue, which leads to excessive masturbation. But without the porn around to over stimulate the brain, it’s clear that many people don’t masturbate even half as much. We have been pleasuring ourselves for a long, long time before porn came around, and with the proper moderation it can be a helpful tool to balance our lives. In general, those who are just starting the recovery process may have a more difficulty engaging in this practice. Don’t worry, after a few weeks or a month of removing porn from your life you will find becoming aroused much easier. Continue reading

Building a New You

Picture this: You’ve been addicted for decades. You use porn as your main outlet for intimacy and a pacifying mother in times of stress, anxiety, boredom, loneliness, anger, and general dissatisfaction with life. Always accompanied by a tendency towards isolation. Your emotional stability has become dependent upon porn, influencing your hobbies, habits, and attitudes. Now imagine someone took that away from you, your precious dependency, you would be left a thousand feet in the air with nothing under your feet. This is what happens when we begin the process of recovery. Recovery is not just the absence of porn, it’s also the beginning of a new and healthier life, a New You. Continue reading

Female Faces and Smiling Faces

One thing that has been a sure craving buster for me since the very beginning is the power of a smiling face and female faces. For me and others in recovery, they can transform our feelings of lust and cravings into admiration, love, compassion, and caring. It’s been known to advertisers for a long time that a smiling face sells almost anything. That the Mona Lisa’s popularity is credited largely to her smile. And that generally people with a great smile radiate a warmth that draws others to them naturally. It’s also interesting to note that Continue reading

Dealing with Shame after Relapse

stone_small“Look, you relapsed again, you are so bad at this! You might as well just give up, you are worthless. You can never do anything right.”

It happens to all of us, if you are in the process of recovery, you will inevitably experience a relapse. It is actually more likely you will relapse again, and less likely you correct the addictive habits, if you are constantly berating yourself with shame. In Buddhist psychology the major cause of Continue reading

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT for short) is another method where we become more mindful of our negative emotions and thoughts, take a very in-depth analysis, and then come to an alternative conclusion that is against the original negative emotions and thoughts.

This work sheet is just a small part of an over-all CBT therapy, but still very effect on it’s own. This can be done alone, or with the help of a trusted friend or therapist. Here is an example CBT worksheet filled in for you. Continue reading