Hey everyone! It’s been a while since I posted but I wanted to share that I’m currently over a year free from porn! And that I’ve still been active in other avenues such as Discord.
I’ve been helping run and now admin a Discord server called Porn Free for over 2 years now. You can come join us here! https://discord.gg/KBhmwEk
Porn Free Discord server!
We are an inclusive and LGBT friendly group dedicated to supporting each other in our journey to become porn free!
Also, here is a little post I made to Reddit recently after passing 300 days porn free, I hope you can find inspiration from it:
I’ve been wanting to make this post for a while now. I’m so so grateful for /r/pornfree and for the /r/pornfreewomen community and my buddies over at the Reddit in Recovery Discord and my SLAA community. I could not have done this without all of your support! My reasons for quitting Porn have changed quite a lot over my recovery. I’ve had the motivation to quit for myself and for relationship partners to have better sex or just to get my fucking life together. But really at the end of the day the only one I can do this kind of hard work for is for myself, for a better life for myself. And my life includes other people that I care a lot about that are also affected by my life and my choices. So I’m choosing to care about myself and those around me that I care about. There was a time when I didn’t care about myself so the only motivation I had was to do this for other people, which was also totally okay. And it led me to the place of understanding that ultimately I needed to care about myself if I wanted to survive this terrible addiction. I lost my connections with my family with close friends with relationships with jobs and with careers. I pushed everyone away for this addiction. It was the only thing the only thing in my life for over a decade. From 15 years old to 30. I was a slave to it. No longer do I have to worry about going into withdrawal on camping trips. Or worrying about if someone is it going to find something on my computer that’s embarrassing. Or even just the sense of shame and embarrassment being around people if they knew the kind of porn that I look at. I don’t have to worry about if my addicted mind is going to convince me to leave a party early just so I can go home and masturbate to porn. I don’t have to worry about being late for work the next day because I stayed up all night masturbating to porn. I am changed. I am the captain of my own ship. I control my destiny now. This is my recovery. It has taken me over 8 years of trying and learning and processing and growing and tears and love to get to this point. And it was worth every minute. The addiction is still alive in me and it always will be. I have to live with this for the rest of my life. I’m learning to make peace with that. It’s a part of me and deserves to be given space, to be accepted and loved and nourished. To see it, and to see the hurt behind the addiction. And let that hurt just be hurt for a little while. Giving the hurt some space to just be. And in that moment I can choose freedom. I can heal myself.
A poignant and shaking new research project on porn addiction uncovers what we already suspected.
“It took away my ability to process the world with any emotion. My porn use put me into a state of emotional and social withdrawal in almost every aspect of my life, and because of that, I suffered significantly socially, romantically and academically. I lost many years of my development because I could not feel any pleasure and I could not make sense of the world – my mind was in a state of constant turmoil.”
Exploring the Lived Experience of Problematic Users of Internet Pornography– A Qualitative Study is a research project I conducted as part of the requirements for the Master of Counselling & Psychotherapy course I have recently (finally) completed. While it’s soon to be published in the peer reviewed journal Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, published by Taylor & Francis, in this post I reflect on what it was like to research this topic and I share some of the responses I received which highlight, to me, the seriousness of this emerging problem. I will post a link to the peer reviewed article here soon as it is published but I have uploaded a preprint version to Research Gate which I have linked to above.
It’s been 6 years since I embarked on my journey towards the unknown freedom that I so desperately needed. I rediscovered many long lost treasures, and uncovered many unexpected hurdles and blessings. If I was to imagine what my life would be like now, I don’t think I would have believed it. How I’ve grown as a person and how my life has been enriched by slowly abandoning the Continue reading →
The majority of the articles, tools, and meditations on this site have focused on finding better habit patterns for transforming our addictive behaviors. These are all important things, but something I have waited a long time to write about is healing and withdrawal, mainly because Continue reading →
The 3 Circles method is used in SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) to help create boundaries around unhealthy behaviours. In food addiction, you need to address any habits that cause harm to yourself, but stopping all eating won’t be the solution. Similarly with sex and porn addiction, the solution is not to close yourself off from your own sexuality, but to help identify unhealthy behaviors. We are sexual beings Continue reading →
Although I try to give as much advice and wisdom as I can here on Building The New, it is only a supplementary support. If you are having serious difficulties in life due to addictive behaviours you need to seek out a licensed Sex Therapist, Support Group, or consult a Doctor.
I’ve been a follower of Teal Swan for over a year now and I really enjoy her videos. She has a deep insight into the nature of human suffering and how to heal our emotional scars. This video is a great explanation of Pornography addiction, what it is and is not, and ways to heal from it.
A great article on the benefits of mindfulness practices and daily living to address addictions.
“For example, a person in our smoking program commented, “Mindful smoking: smells like stinky cheese and tastes like chemicals. YUCK!” She noticed that smoking wasn’t as great as she might have convinced herself previously. And this is the beginning of the end – we start to get disenchanted with what we were doing – just by paying careful attention. ”
A great audio interview over at NPR with neuroscientist David Linden. In it David talks about his new book Compass Of Pleasure, detailing the brain on a neurochemical level when we interact with addictive substances and behaviors. One of the most interesting things I took home from this interview was how his findings point to STRESS as a major contributor to sudden increases in cravings for the addictive substance or behavior.
Picture this: You’ve been addicted for decades. You use porn as your main outlet for intimacy and a pacifying mother in times of stress, anxiety, boredom, loneliness, anger, and general dissatisfaction with life. Always accompanied by a tendency towards isolation. Your emotional stability has become dependent upon porn, influencing your hobbies, habits, and attitudes. Now imagine someone took that away from you, your precious dependency, you would be left a thousand feet in the air with nothing under your feet. This is what happens when we begin the process of recovery. Recovery is not just the absence of porn, it’s also the beginning of a new and healthier life, a New You. Continue reading →