You know you have to stop. That’s the one thing we can all agree on, it’s the one thing we all cannot deny… You know you have to stop…
You don’t know what’s going to happen next, you don’t know how your life will change, you can’t predict the future. But the one thing you know for certain, whatever this thing is, using porn, is killing you. It’s killing you, slowly, bit by bit, PMO by PMO. In every session you die, over years of your life. And you know that you need to stop. You know it.
Put it off for days, for months, for years. You will always know what you need to do. You cannot escape it. Stop now, or stop later. That’s your only choice. You will stop before you die, or you will die before you ever stop, those are your choices in life as mortal beings. Either you learn before you die, or you don’t. So might as well stop.
What is it you have to lose? What is stopping you? You have suffering and pain, or freedom. You have what you know you need to do, or you have what is needed to be done. Both sides are impossible to escape. There is only one choice ultimately. To stop. To do what you know you have to do.
Life is short.
– Di Phoenix
It’s been 6 years since I embarked on my journey towards the unknown freedom that I so desperately needed. I rediscovered many long lost treasures, and uncovered many unexpected hurdles and blessings. If I was to imagine what my life would be like now, I don’t think I would have believed it. How I’ve grown as a person and how my life has been enriched by slowly abandoning the Continue reading
The majority of the articles, tools, and meditations on this site have focused on finding better habit patterns for transforming our addictive behaviors. These are all important things, but something I have waited a long time to write about is healing and withdrawal, mainly because Continue reading
The 3 Circles method is used in SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) to help create boundaries around unhealthy behaviours. In food addiction, you need to address any habits that cause harm to yourself, but stopping all eating won’t be the solution. Similarly with sex and porn addiction, the solution is not to close yourself off from your own sexuality, but to help identify unhealthy behaviors. We are sexual beings Continue reading
Although I try to give as much advice and wisdom as I can here on Building The New, it is only a supplementary support. If you are having serious difficulties in life due to addictive behaviours you need to seek out a licensed Sex Therapist, Support Group, or consult a Doctor.
I’ve been a follower of Teal Swan for over a year now and I really enjoy her videos. She has a deep insight into the nature of human suffering and how to heal our emotional scars. This video is a great explanation of Pornography addiction, what it is and is not, and ways to heal from it.
Swan echos many of the insights on my blog, such as being mindful of triggers, meditation, reintegration of painful feelings, and seeking new ways to use your creative energy.
Is Mindfulness an Emerging Treatment for Addiction?
A great article on the benefits of mindfulness practices and daily living to address addictions.
“For example, a person in our smoking program commented, “Mindful smoking: smells like stinky cheese and tastes like chemicals. YUCK!” She noticed that smoking wasn’t as great as she might have convinced herself previously. And this is the beginning of the end – we start to get disenchanted with what we were doing – just by paying careful attention. ”
Many people ask me, if porn is unhealthy for me but I still want to masturbate every now and then without hindering my recovery, how can I do this? Masturbation without porn or fantasy and in moderation can be a healthy activity and a part of a healthy life style. But this is not for everyone, if you have Erectile Dysfunction caused by porn, a religious tenant against it, or if you simple enjoy the experience of abstinence, then by all means stay masturbation free! 🙂
With compulsive porn abusers it’s clear that porn is the real issue, which leads to excessive masturbation. But without the porn around to over stimulate the brain, it’s clear that many people don’t masturbate even half as much. We have been pleasuring ourselves for a long, long time before porn came around, and with the proper moderation it can be a helpful tool to balance our lives. In general, those who are just starting the recovery process may have a more difficulty engaging in this practice. Don’t worry, after a few weeks or a month of removing porn from your life you will find becoming aroused much easier. Continue reading
A great audio interview over at NPR with neuroscientist David Linden. In it David talks about his new book Compass Of Pleasure, detailing the brain on a neurochemical level when we interact with addictive substances and behaviors. One of the most interesting things I took home from this interview was how his findings point to STRESS as a major contributor to sudden increases in cravings for the addictive substance or behavior.
‘Compass Of Pleasure’: Why Some Things Feel So Good [NPR]
While most people are able to achieve a certain degree of pleasure with only moderate indulgence, those with blunted dopamine systems are driven to overdo it.
“Any one of us could be an addict at any time,” Linden says. “Addiction is not fundamentally a moral failing — it’s not a disease of weak-willed losers.
Hi everyone! I just wanted to share this amazing Reddit Gold caliber article, a harrowing self account of misery to freedom from one man who has passed the 2 year mark of life without porn. It is touching and informative, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
“I was 34 years old when I decided to quit, after having done porn pretty continuously, and increasingly, from the age of 13 when I found my Dad’s magazines in his bedside drawer. By the time I decided to quit, I was married (unhappily – though I wasn’t totally conscious of that fact), and had a two-year-old daughter. I was a software engineering manager making a bunch of money, I had a big house in a posh neighborhood. I had all the outward signs of success…. (click here)“