A reminder that a relapse is never a loss, but an opportunity to get stronger. With a bit of retroactive analysis, we can turn a loss into a win. There is a reason, a hidden flawed logic or excuse that drove the relapse, and if we can tease it out, we can get one step closer to avoiding it next time around.

A retroactive analysis entails going back in time to the moment before the relapse, and listing out all the reasons you made excuses to use porn. So an example might be “Oh well, I won’t know what to do with myself unless I use porn.” or “this is the only chance I will get all day to be alone so might as well do it.”

Once we have written the statements out onto paper, it’s easier to see them for what they are, a misguided excuse. It’s also possible here at this step to write out alternative endings to these thoughts, so that next time you have a better truth waiting to knock the excuse out of the park. So a reply to the examples above might be “I don’t know what to do with myself, but that does not mean there is nothing to do, I just need to find something that I enjoy. There are a million things for me to do.” or “This is my only chance today, but that just means I have free time to enjoy myself or get outside and get some fresh air.”

Breaking the link at this point can lead to less relapses over time. It’s a simple way to shed some light on an otherwise unconscious process that drives the addictive pattern. For more info on this process check out my 2013 blog post (wow 10 years ago!!) on the topic. It’s a bit old but has all the magic you need: Identifying Triggers

Be well. 🙏🏻