Category Archives: Tools

Working with compulsive objectification

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“The more you objectify them, the more they become objects”

It’s a simple quote that I’ve come up with, but explains a whole lot about how the brain operates. What is applied to the mind, the mind will follow into that shape. But how to reverse the process is a bit more tricky. In my experience from mindfulness and meditation, there are several ways to counteract the force of intrusive sexual objectification around strangers or loved ones.

1. Become mindful of the process: when you find yourself objecting someone, remind yourself of the quote and don’t judge yourself. Just be aware that you’re objecting and let it be as it is. It helps strengthen the pre-frontal cortex and breaks the cycle of objectification over time.

2. Apply an appointment force by meditating in your free time. This meditation on equality is very powerful for undoing the habitual sexually objectifying mind, and re-engages our humanity:

Equanimity Meditation

3. Look away: it might seem super simple and brain dead… But it does work. If all else fails, looking away is an option, or excusing yourself from the situation. If you’re applying the other strategies in this blog post, remember that you are not running away, you are just retreating to come back stronger next time.

4. Looking at smiling faces: the power of gazing upon smiling faces for healing has been known for quite some time. The Mona Lisa comes to my mind immediately. Check out some of these:

Female Faces and Smiling Faces

I hope that this can help some of you out there. It’s one of the most stressful side effects of porn addiction, and can discourage those just starting on their journey into recovery.

Have a wonderful day from Building the New, and remember: you’re alive!

The Porn Scale

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Harm reduction is an important and often overlooked component of addiction recovery. With porn addiction it’s pretty simple usually, you either look at porn or you don’t. But I believe that even within active porn addiction, the principles of harm reduction can be applied. The principles of harm reduction that I’m referring to here have to do with reducing the harm that porn inflicts while in active usage, while the relapse is actually happening and you’re watching porn.

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The 3 Circles Method

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3 circlesThe 3 Circles method is used in SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) to help create boundaries around unhealthy behaviours. In food addiction, you need to address any habits that cause harm to yourself, but stopping all eating won’t be the solution. Similarly with sex and porn addiction, the solution is not to close yourself off from your own sexuality, but to help identify unhealthy behaviors. We are sexual beings Continue reading →

Masturbation for the Porn Addict

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Many people ask me, if porn is unhealthy for me but I still want to masturbate every now and then without hindering my recovery, how can I do this? Masturbation without porn or fantasy and in moderation can be a healthy activity and a part of a healthy life style. But this is not for everyone, if you have Erectile Dysfunction caused by porn, a religious tenant against it, or if you simple enjoy the experience of abstinence, then by all means stay masturbation free! 🙂

With compulsive porn abusers it’s clear that porn is the real issue, which leads to excessive masturbation. But without the porn around to over stimulate the brain, it’s clear that many people don’t masturbate even half as much. We have been pleasuring ourselves for a long, long time before porn came around, and with the proper moderation it can be a helpful tool to balance our lives. In general, those who are just starting the recovery process may have a more difficulty engaging in this practice. Don’t worry, after a few weeks or a month of removing porn from your life you will find becoming aroused much easier. Continue reading →

Building a New You

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Picture this: You’ve been addicted for decades. You use porn as your main outlet for intimacy and a pacifying mother in times of stress, anxiety, boredom, loneliness, anger, and general dissatisfaction with life. Always accompanied by a tendency towards isolation. Your emotional stability has become dependent upon porn, influencing your hobbies, habits, and attitudes. Now imagine someone took that away from you, your precious dependency, you would be left a thousand feet in the air with nothing under your feet. This is what happens when we begin the process of recovery. Recovery is not just the absence of porn, it’s also the beginning of a new and healthier life, a New You. Continue reading →

Female Faces and Smiling Faces

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One thing that has been a sure craving buster for me since the very beginning is the power of a smiling face and female faces. For me and others in recovery, they can transform our feelings of lust and cravings into admiration, love, compassion, and caring. It’s been known to advertisers for a long time that a smiling face sells almost anything. That the Mona Lisa’s popularity is credited largely to her smile. And that generally people with a great smile radiate a warmth that draws others to them naturally. It’s also interesting to note that Continue reading →

Dealing with Shame after Relapse

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stone_small“Look, you relapsed again, you are so bad at this! You might as well just give up, you are worthless. You can never do anything right.”

It happens to all of us, if you are in the process of recovery, you will inevitably experience a relapse. It is actually more likely you will relapse again, and less likely you correct the addictive habits, if you are constantly berating yourself with shame. In Buddhist psychology the major cause of Continue reading →

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT for short) is another method where we become more mindful of our negative emotions and thoughts, take a very in-depth analysis, and then come to an alternative conclusion that is against the original negative emotions and thoughts.

This work sheet is just a small part of an over-all CBT therapy, but still very effect on it’s own. This can be done alone, or with the help of a trusted friend or therapist. Here is an example CBT worksheet filled in for you. Continue reading →

Identifying Triggers

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weak linkMindfulness and compassion are the keys to breaking the chains of our habitual and addictive patterns. Mindfulness simply means being consciously aware of something in your present moment experience, may they be thoughts, emotions, sounds, or images. Compassion means fully understanding what makes us suffer and choosing the best decision to reduce our suffering, may that be self-forgiveness, acceptance, or

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